I was 15 when I started blogging, and now I am 30. I was told by an anonymous Tumblr user that I put too much hype into my work and it wasn't that good. To be honest...while they were a jerk, they were half right, but it doesn't matter. My work, especially compared to now, was nowhere near my current skill level. Hell, there were / are always a lot of people my age or younger who were infinitely more talented, BUT what that person was wrong about was shitting on a minor for pursuing a passion that made them happy and for trying. Self-expression is one of the most priceless things we have in this world, and I believe everyone deserves the chance to do that.
One of my favorite movies is the Lorax and a quote that I hold dear to my heart is about the last Truffula tree seed in a natureless world:
"I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."
Growing up in a family / world that is so conditional, that quote always brings tears to my eyes. It's a reminder that even though I am not perfect, or I have not always been the best at things, we all matter and have infinite potential to be better and grow. I've been told many horrible, demotivating words from people who are very close to me. I can never erase that pain, but I can hold compassion for my young self knowing that she didn't deserve to be torn down. Constructive criticism is very different than just criticism. That anonymous user's goal was not to help me be better, but rather to stop me from sharing my voice or make me feel worse about my own skills, to stop me from "overhyping" myself...
If you make something, or do something, you should be proud. The fact that you're doing is something is amazing! It doesn't have to be fridge-worthy, it just has to be yours. Just try, and fail, but do. There is content and art that I've made that I cringe at when I look back, but if I die tomorrow, at least I know I've shared who I am and honored myself in trying. I am never going to do things perfectly, but as long as I align with my values, it is more than enough.
Everyone starts somewhere. I
used to let the fear of looking stupid stop me from trying something
new, but I'm learning that when we accept that we all have strengths and
weaknesses, we can learn to forgive ourselves and actually be content.
Our skills or people's disapproval is a very awful reason to stop doing
things that make you happy. It's ok to be bad or mediocre at things. I'm still in the process of truly learning this. Especially if you've spent time mastering specific skills, trying things you are not good at can be a huge ego hit. It can be scary to speak up or to look bad in front of others. When you allow yourself to try new things and surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you, it is one of the most meaningful things in the world.
So my dear perfectionist, my fellow trauma survivor, please don't let the fear of looking silly or other people's negative opinions keep you from expressing yourself and trying to learn new things. Know that it's ok to not be good at everything, that it's impossible actually. Know that even if you're not good at one thing, that doesn't mean you aren't good at something else. You may not be the best marketer, but you might be a very talented artist. You may not have the best voice or the best dance moves, but maybe some people will find beauty in your performance, or perhaps you will grow to be better. Or maybe you won't, and that's okay, but you tried. Find what fuels you and what brings you joy, because life is very short and fleeting. Please keep trying.
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